The British and Irish Lions tour to France that nobody asked for - except that, increasingly, plenty of people have. With World Rugby's leadership openly considering France, Japan, the United States and Argentina as future Lions destinations, Squidge Rugby's Robbie used his latest More Squidge Rugby episode to throw the conversation into sharper relief: if it has to happen, what does the dream slate of fixtures actually look like?
He was up front about the political resistance from the southern hemisphere unions before any maps were drawn. "There's been some pushback from the likes of the Australian Union, New Zealand Union, South African Union because it is big for their economy. It almost entirely single-handedly bailed the Australian Rugby Union out of debt last year."
But from a neutral fan's seat, Robbie argued, France is the most compelling option on the table - chiefly because the Top 14 ecosystem can field genuinely hostile opposition every weekend without leaning on its France internationals.
"Top 14 teams make massive signings over time. Super Rugby kind of sign within themselves a little bit more," he said. "Even if Galthie kept back maybe like 28 players and the rest of the squad are released back, you'd have La Rochelle still with a really strong squad around that, Bordeaux missing their stars but everyone else probably broadly full strength."
The imagined itinerary follows familiar Lions architecture - 10 games, three Tests, an opener, midweek invitational fixtures - but reshaped around French rugby's geography. Robbie wants Clermont's Stade Marcel-Michelin as the curtain-raiser. "Claremont, the Pack Stade Marcel Michelan. What more could you want?" Toulouse and Bordeaux are non-negotiable headliners. "Toulouse - at the minute, you have to put in. That's too tantalising. Even if you take out the French internationals, they've still got a good team there."
Toulon slots in as a midweek bruiser - the kind of fixture, as he put it, where the Lions are already "all knackered and Toulon batter us" - and the rotating fifth-club spot goes to Pau, Bayonne or Lyon depending on stadium capacity. The two midweek invitational games are filled by the French Barbarians and a Pro D2 select XV that he described in mock-deadpan terms: "a Pro Select team that's supposedly fat second rows who want to punch Caelan Doris. Endless Georgian props."
The richest sub-plot, though, is what a French tour does to player narratives. Robbie pointed to Blair Kinghorn at Toulouse as the obvious example - a Scotland Lion potentially lining up against his own club mates. "Blair Kinghorn could play against his own team. He would go on Lions - I mean, he went on last year. You'd imagine in a couple of years, he'd be a Lions-worthy player. Something like that could happen, which would be an incredible story."
And because Lions tours have repeatedly aligned with the host nation peaking - Australia in 2025 a recent example - the prospect of running into a sharper, hungrier France in 2029 or 2033 cannot be discounted. The financial argument carries equal weight. "You could genuinely sell out the Stade de France for Toulouse versus the Lions. You could sell out at Bordeaux versus the Lions. We've had so many clubs go under - Wasps, London Irish, potentially what's happening in Wales. The money that could inject professional rugby could be huge."
The Tests pose their own problem. The Stade de France for all three is the safe answer; Marseille's Orange Vélodrome is the obvious second venue despite Robbie's withering review of the surrounding area; and a wildcard final Test at the Camp Nou in Barcelona was the gimmick he ultimately couldn't talk himself out of. As blueprints go, it is gloriously detailed and gloriously theoretical - but it is now on the record as one of the more credible visions of what a French Lions tour could be.
