Bristol Bears full-back Max Malins did not soften the picture of the worst day of his professional career when he sat down with co-host Ryan Wilson to record this week's More or Nothing podcast in the immediate aftermath of Bristol's 94-point Premiership defeat at Northampton Saints. The score, the worst loss in Bears history, was the only place either of them wanted to start.
"I played rugby for a while now, I'd say a long time. Maybe since I was 12 years old," Malins began. "I don't think I've ever conceded 90-odd points. Listen, I'm not — we've all been there, it's a tough place. This is what I imagine it's like when the Romans were sort of invading the lands of Scotland through the Highlands, and you're sort of looking around and suddenly the woods are real quiet and then out of nowhere all these Picts come out of the undergrowth. They're just everywhere, men are dropping like flies. It was a collaboration of just monumentally poor defence and performance, and then they were also in this kind of irresistible attacking flair."
Asked how early he had been substituted into the match, Malins gave a number that prompted both hosts to wince. "I got on it like in the — I can't remember the 30th, 35th, maybe like the 30th minute. And it was already like 50-odd points to 12. So that's like 50 points before, and then I'm looking up at the stands at PA like, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to do?"
Wilson then asked about the half-time team-talk from Bristol director of rugby Pat Lam. Malins, who is on first-name terms with the coach he calls "Uncle Pat," refused to colour the conversation as a hairdryer. "You can throw rockets around, but I don't think a rocket's going to solve the problem at that point. It's already 60 points to 12 or whatever it was at half time. So the game's gone. It's more about just managing sort of body language and not letting it kind of synergise and get even more ridiculous."
Bristol did at least walk away with a losing bonus point — a quirk Malins suggested the Premiership should preserve as the league trends towards basketball scorelines elsewhere. "The league generally, the games are just becoming so high-scoring now. For the exact reason that Bristol got a bonus point despite the record defeat in their history. They got a bonus point, and that would mean that you would have to keep going all the way to the end."
The most uncomfortable section of the recording came when Wilson tried to find a positive — and asked whether there had been any gallows humour in the away dressing room. "There must have been someone in that change room," he said. "There's always a joker in the team that as you're walking out, someone's gone to someone, 'boys, we better keep this under a hundred.'" Malins's reply was honest. "When you're in it, it's not very amusing. Do you know what I mean? It's pretty dark."
Beyond the personal post-mortem, the conversation widened to the strange shape of the 2025-26 Gallagher Premiership. "It's just the randomness of it," Wilson noted. "Because Quins then do what they do to Newcastle, but then Northampton put 94 on Bristol. It's not even like it's the one team getting hammered every week. It's just like every weekend there's just a random score where someone just goes and obliterates another team." Malins agreed but pushed back on the broader trend. "Why is it happening in the Prem? I know you've got Newcastle who have just rolled over."
The takeaway for the Bears, with Bristol's playoff hopes now hanging by a thread, was bluntly self-prescribed. "It's more about just managing body language," Malins repeated. "Not letting it kind of synergise and get even more ridiculous." For a side built on the all-attack identity Pat Lam imported from the Pacific Islands, the next training week may be the longest of the season.
